Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
