you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
