screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
