Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
