Your tits are I can't wait for
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I love you.
Bad choice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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