I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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