my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
