dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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