the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
