Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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