Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
