is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
