you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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