i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
