I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I did not marry a roomba.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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