FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
