is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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