I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
