We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize