I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
