I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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