we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
