Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
