just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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