I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
