im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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