Can i not drive my cunt home
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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