if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
