Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
