Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
