id be glad to
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
