I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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