i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
