just tell him i said nine months
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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