Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
