i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Vodka?
Forever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
