Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
be right there i have to get my cape
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
