If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You made out with two different species that night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
