And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
