lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You don't make any sense
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