just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
