And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
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It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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