Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
