Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
