I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize