I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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