Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
