Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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