you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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