Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
