well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
