yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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