The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
