Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
