I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
