She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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