i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
