Your face is a jimmy john
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
