My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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