I'm really into asian looking animals
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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